How many of us like to receive gifts? I think most of us do. Garry Chapman (2015) claims that receiving gifts is one of the five love languages. While receiving gifts is not my primary love language, I do appreciate a thoughtful gift. Social anthropologists starting with Marcel Mauss (1990) have long believed that gift-giving is an essential part of most cultures. It seems the many cultures place great value on giving, receiving, and reciprocate gifts.
For some cultures, when someone gives you a gift, it is a sign that they want to develop or maintain a social relationship with you. If you accept the gift, you are signaling that you are interested in developing or maintaining that relationship. One way to foster that relationship is by reciprocal gift giving. That is, once someone has given you a gift, the expectation is that you will reciprocate with a gift in kind.
This is where things can get a bit interesting. Some cultures expect a gift of similar value, while others, such as among certain Pakistani groups, expect the reciprocal gift to be of slightly more value. In turn, they will give you another gift that is somewhat more valuable. This interchange does not necessarily happen instantaneously but can take place over extended periods.
What implications does this have for multicultural youth ministry? A first thought may be that a youth pastor with minimal disposable income will soon be broke reciprocating all these gifts! However, cracking the door a bit wider, we can see that gift-giving can have significant meaning for different cultures. A good rule of thumb may be, the more collectivistic the culture, the more critical this cultural value of giving, receiving, and reciprocating gifts. What are we communicating when we accept a gift? Is there any hidden meaning that we may be overlooking? What are our obligations to reciprocate if we accept this gift? What does this look like in your ministry context?
An excellent way to find out is by asking some of the older people of the cultures your reaching. Are you reaching Filipinos or Latinos? Then sit down and talk with some of the older people of those groups and ask them about gift giving practices. I’m sure they would love to share their knowledge with you! Becoming familiar with the gift-giving practices of the people you are reaching will enhance your social and cultural capital.
In many Asian cultures, for example, if someone gives you a gift in a reusable container, there may be an expectation that you will return the container. When returning the container, it should never be returned empty (yeah, I blew that one!) but contain something small like chocolate.
So, the next time a teenager, or a parent hands you a gift, do not just assume they are giving it to you just because you’re cool, hip, and groovy (even though all that is true). It could be a sign that they desire a deeper relationship with you. How will you respond? How will you reciprocate? As youth leaders, we want to develop positive relationships with our teens and their parents. Perhaps they are offering you something more than just a gift, but a way to speak into their lives.
Chapman, G. (2015). The 5 love languages: The secret to love that lasts (Reprint edition). Chicago: Northfield Publishing.
Mauss, M. (1990). The gift: The form and reason for exchange in archaic societies (W. D. Halls, Trans.). New York, NY: W. W. Norton.
You must be logged in to post a comment.